Memories...

We keep them to ourselves, no matter if we get happy or sad about them...
It's incredible how words can make us remember everything like it was yesterday and we can't help but dive in this pool of thoughts...
With me, this isn't a good thing... I miss a lot of things... very much.

I miss school... and the sensations it brought to me...
I miss feeling commited... to anything...
I miss the dreams I once dreamed to accomplish...
I miss knowing my friends care about me...

I miss being loved!

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm surrounded with people and things... and when I stop to really SEE what or who is really beside me, I can't tell...
I was always the guy that made people laugh... I was always the guy that was always happy!
I was the smart one... I was the good volleyball player... I was a good son and a good friend and a good lover!

Nowadays, who can tell I was the smart one? Who can tell I played volleyball and was proud of it?
Who can tell I'm the friend that anyone would want to have?

I guess I just wanted so much and all of a sudden, I lost myself in the way of getting there... and I can't seem to find myself...
It's been several months since I've been filling myself with empty things... trying to surround myself in everything that I like... to try to feel loved or filled!
Guess what? I'm empty! Everything's shallow and I'm affraid!

I'm affraid of losing myself more and more each day... I'm affraid that I became a bitter person... I'm affraid I lost my emotions... I'm affraid I became unlovable!
I'm affraid to trust anyone... I'm affraid I stop caring about all the things I said I miss up there!
I'm affraid I keep on faking the smiles I give until I become uncapable of really give a meaningful one...

"Who's gonna be there
Standing by your side forever
Who's gonna help you
When you can't keep it on together
And who's gonna promise
that they'll never leave you all alone
I will, I will, I will
For you"

Who's gonna be there standing by my side forever?
Who's gonna help me when I can't keep it on together?
And who's gonna promise that they'll never leave me all alone?

I can't seem to find the answer...

At The Moment: I Will - Bianca Ryan

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