another Carnival

I don't know why this even exist... I mean, some people celebrate it and goes like: OMG I'll take 4 days off...
Yeah right... I worked: saturday, monday and today is wednesday and guess where I am??
I'm working...
This idiotic holiday doesn't bring me ANY joy... and there's samba everywhere... ew...

Well, anyway...

Saturday I came to the office, then watched some shows with Fefinha!!! ^^
My damn DVD player scared the hell out of me because my Panic at the Disco's LIC got stuck and I thought it was some problem with the disc... I thank God for my PS3!
At night, we met our other friends and talked a lot and played some silly games, and it was VERY VERY VERY funny huahuauhauhuhhuhua...
Did nothing besides watching Queer as Folk on sunday...
Monday I worked...
Tuesday went to Gui's to watch Across the Universe and do some Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds plans!

And now I'm here...

I mentioned my second tattoo here and I said I was going to get it on June... read December actually... there's a lot going on... the bedroom... the last days a trip came in the way... and there's college and the new PC... well I'll figure things out!

Guess that's it!


At the Moment: The Fray - Where The Story Ends


We keep them to ourselves, no matter if we get happy or sad about them...
It's incredible how words can make us remember everything like it was yesterday and we can't help but dive in this pool of thoughts...
With me, this isn't a good thing... I miss a lot of things... very much.

I miss school... and the sensations it brought to me...
I miss feeling commited... to anything...
I miss the dreams I once dreamed to accomplish...
I miss knowing my friends care about me...

I miss being loved!

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm surrounded with people and things... and when I stop to really SEE what or who is really beside me, I can't tell...
I was always the guy that made people laugh... I was always the guy that was always happy!
I was the smart one... I was the good volleyball player... I was a good son and a good friend and a good lover!

Nowadays, who can tell I was the smart one? Who can tell I played volleyball and was proud of it?
Who can tell I'm the friend that anyone would want to have?

I guess I just wanted so much and all of a sudden, I lost myself in the way of getting there... and I can't seem to find myself...
It's been several months since I've been filling myself with empty things... trying to surround myself in everything that I like... to try to feel loved or filled!
Guess what? I'm empty! Everything's shallow and I'm affraid!

I'm affraid of losing myself more and more each day... I'm affraid that I became a bitter person... I'm affraid I lost my emotions... I'm affraid I became unlovable!
I'm affraid to trust anyone... I'm affraid I stop caring about all the things I said I miss up there!
I'm affraid I keep on faking the smiles I give until I become uncapable of really give a meaningful one...

"Who's gonna be there
Standing by your side forever
Who's gonna help you
When you can't keep it on together
And who's gonna promise
that they'll never leave you all alone
I will, I will, I will
For you"

Who's gonna be there standing by my side forever?
Who's gonna help me when I can't keep it on together?
And who's gonna promise that they'll never leave me all alone?

I can't seem to find the answer...

At The Moment: I Will - Bianca Ryan

no title

Huhauhahuahuahua yeah, no title, I wasn't even posting tonight but Desperate Housewives 4th season finale made me like OMG!

Mmm, let's see how sunday was...
Watched Desperate Housewives a LOT, made a cake... actually I was meant to make that cake, but my mom stole my role as a cook!

I'm making a list with all my goals in this year, and I'm sure I'll get to accomplish all of them!

Mmm, what more?

Some caps that we believe it's from Brit's tour opening video leaked today and she's totally hot!
Can't wait!! *__*

Guess that's it!

Now I'll shave, take a shower and play some GTA IV... it's been almost a year since the game was released and I didn't finished it yet! So I started it all over!
Speaking about releases, God of War III is going to be AWESOME!!!!
And The Sims 3 is coming next june, I'll make sure to have my new PC by then!
And Resident Evil 5 is 1 month away! My bro can handle that one!

C ya tomorrow if something new come up!

At the Moment: Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning *______*

Primeiro post em português

Eu geralmente me sinto bem estranho quando isso acontece...
Não que eu tenha experiência... a primeira vez que passei por isso foi ano passado!

E eu continuo sem saber como lidar ou falar ou pensar sobre isso!
Eu não tenho certeza de como me sentir, porque a vida continua apesar de tudo.

A vida é o melhor presente que Deus nos deu... e ela é maravilhosa... e irônica. Porque vivemos intensamente e da melhor maneira que podemos encontrar, aproveitando tudo o que nos é proposto!
E, olhando o lado ruim, nós vivemos para ver partir aqueles que amamos...
Eu acho que com a morte vai ser sempre assim... nós nunca vamos estar preparados pra lidar com ela.

No momento, como eu disse, eu não sei como me sentir, é tudo tão repentino!
Há algumas semanas atrás eu disse que minha tia-avó tinha descoberto que tinha um câncer...
E a partir de hoje, ela tá com os anjinhos lá em cima!

Eu trabalhei hoje e não quis ir dar meu "adeus" pra ela, e tô até me sentindo um pouco culpado por isso! Espero que, onde quer que ela esteja, ela me perdoe!
Então tô deixando esse post aqui em memória dela!

Vai com Deus tia Sueli... olha pra gente daí de cima, ok?
Até um dia!!!

back on track

Hello... friday, 13th... uuuuuuuhhhhh...

yeah, right...

Mmm, I've been kinda busy/lazy lately and I didn't post anything in the last couple days... but I'm here just to say I'm doing some extras to earn some money cause I have a room to redecorate... YEAH, redecorating plans are back on!!! \o/

I'm very excited and that's all for now!!!

Tomorrow's saturday and I'll work... so good night everyone!

living the sims


I don't remember when I said it, but I know I did... I said I was kind of bipolar...
Duuh, I know I'm not, but I change my mind like a bipolar!!!

Some changes (more of them) happened in my mind today and I suddenly decided to NOT go back to the gym.
I developed a certain will to redecorate my brother's room and make it mine! YEAH!
Hhuaauhahuauhahua, my house's pretty small... (or did I mean REALLY small?) And when I was little, my brother and I used to share the same room... we could put two beds in it, wich is impossible nowadays.
When I moved to my grams, my mom put only one bed in the bedroom and he kinda owned the place, despite the fact that my wardrobe's still there.
So, I decided to claim my rights and make it MINE for good. So I'm redecorating it and moving back. My bro can take my couch in the living room, I don't mind. And he wouldn't mind too, because if I didn't until now, why would he?

I'll finally have the room I always dreamed of since I was a kid! *___*
Can't wait to get home, take a shower and shut myself in my own world!
I'll write "Reinvent Love" on a wall! *__*

I'll make sure to post a photo here once it's done, but it will take a month or two yet... I'm not a rich person...

Oh, by the way, this sudden idea makes me even more tied up about money. But it's for a good reason. I don't plan to go out a lot anyway... so I must spend the next 2 or 3 months locked in my shell, figuring things I don't know yet...

That's it!
Bye y'all!

At the Moment: This Providence - An Ocean Between


It's been less than 12 hours since I posted and plans are already changing... not because of me... =/

I'm SO disappointed... =/

new tattoo

Write down this date: 15/06/2009

In this date (or week, at least), I'm going to get my second tattoo...
It's going to be even more idealist than the last one!!! And it's going to be great!!!

Anyway, let's catch things up...

My sunday was BORING, and by reading it, imagine me screaming it louder than my lungs can take...
If it wasn't for Desperate Housewives and Across the Universe, it would be 150% boring... even tough series and this movie make make me so damn happy, it's nothing new so...

I'm going back to the gym... probably tomorrow...
If I'm not going to the prep school than I'll get pumped at least... and prepare myself to college in August...

Guess that's it...

At the Moment: Dana Fuchs Band - Dear Prudence (Across the Universe OST)

Nice Saturday

In topics:

- took my sister to the subway, it was her first time in it;
- watched Across the Universe (for the xxxx time) with my cousin;
- Starbucks with my cousin, it was her first time;
- got totally wet because of the fucking rain;
- went to the mall;
- talked a loooooot with a friend in the mall, and ran into an old one I haven't seen for a while;
- got stuck in the mall while trying to go home.

And now, thinking about the day and listening again to Waste Myself, I realize I'm kinda lonely...

At the Moment: This Providence - Waste Myself

I just can't help it, it just feels so lost...

"Oh we could lie beneath the stars
Or watch a thousand passing cars
From the roof of this prison, yeah yeah

Oh we could make this moment ours
And I could hold you, touch your scars
I can't believe that I have you, yeah yeah

I said... you, I waste myself on you
You, I do anything for you
Yeah, waste myself on you, yeah yeah"

I miss having feelings like these...

At The Moment: This Providence - Waste Myself

drowned dreams

Yeah, being a doctor will have to wait...

Money's really an issue... :S

At The Moment: Britney Spears - Shadow

In one of my latest posts I said I wanted the 60's back...
Well, I still do...

I mean, if you look back, I guess those were the years when peace and love were estimated the most.
Of course, there was the war...

The difference between those years and now is that war still between us, happening in front of our eyes, in a lot of different ways, that I won't even bother mentioning because I can't count them in my fingers and things get complicated.
But the world today is so caught up with material life, and sometimes, when I stop and think about it, I'm so sick of that!
You can't avoid being material sometimes. Even myself, writing this whole thing for those of you who have guts enough to take my bitter dreamy words, have my material moments and my material flaws. We surely need to caught up with the world we live in.

But I wish people loved more... and throw themselves in the (good) unknown part of life.
I wanted to be one of those hippie guys... of course I'd take a shower every now and then, and I must admit drugs don't attract me... but their ideas... their way of going through life...
Sometimes I want to throw everything in the air and just run away, to a place in my dreams where I could just lay in the grass... stare at the sunshine until it fade out in a lovely twilight and I could start to count the stars... then sleep and wake up in the next day just to start it all over; with nothing else to worry about...

Guess I'm what they call an "old fashioned romantic dreamer"... and unfortunately, the world today doesn't estimate these kind of people...

Don't know if you got my point... sometimes I can't put it into words and sometimes I don't even get myself...

And as the stars I was counting in my dream place blows up in my face in the form of the junkie paper work I have to do while I sit here and write this, I offer you my peace and love wishing that someday we'll have the 60's sensations and values back...


"Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world"

At The Moment: The Beatles - Across The Universe

permanent monday... mmm, not actually...

For those who don't know, the "Permanent Monday" part of the title is a song by Jordin Sparks... great song, by the way...
And the "mmm, not actually" part because time really flew by today!

Yesterday I was too tired or too lazy to post and saturday I kinda slept all day when I got home!
Mmm, let's see...

I woke up LATE on saturday but I got to the school in time and did the test... it was ok, I guess... I mean, I guess I did fine on portuguese, bio, english and geography... totally screwed up in chemistry and history... and worked my way out of physics and math.
After the test, we went to Starbucks, had some fraps and then I came home and slept aaaaall afternoon.
I woke up, watched Across The Universe (again) with my mom and I cried (again) with my mom crying beside me, huauhauhauhahua...
Then I took a shower, changed clothes, got my hair done and went to Sogo, wich by the way totally surprised me this saturday!!!! It was crowded and the music was greaaaaaaat!!!! I loved it!!!
Got crazy when So What started!!!

Got home when it was about 8 am on sunday, took a shower and most likely passed out in my brother's bed. No, I wasn't sleeping in the same bed that he was; he spent the night in the living room...
Woke up a few hours later, had lunch, tried to sleep a bit more and couldn't because of the fucking hot weather... went to my cousin's birthday party, came back home, and watched Marley & Me with my mom... my mom cried in the end... So did I... again...

And here I am in the office and I have a stomachache and I really wanna go home though I'm thinking of maybe staying here a little bit more...

I guess that's it...


At The Moment: Evan Rachel Wood - If I Feel (Across the Universe OST)

PS: because of the latest "bipolar trouble", posts have been edited... but nothing really important, I feel better doing it! ^^

~~~~~~ Jai Guru Deva om

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